I greeted 2025 with one of my childhood best friends at our flagship church in Baltimore, surrounded by like-spirited souls who also decided to gather in total submission to God, followed by Moet champagne toasts, black-eyed peas, monologues and conversations with extended friends of all that 2024 had been and what we are trusting God for in 2025. I woke up the following morning, the first day of 2025, with a vicious cold, no one or nothing to cut off, just a physical reminder to rest, no longer tethered to the endless cycle of highs and lows, successes and failures, the superficial push and pull of completion and new beginnings bound by the turning of a calendar year. I took off work the last two days of 2025’s first week to recover and allowed the past year to be a mirror, showing me where I was holding on too tightly, where I was out of alignment, where I was hiding, and where I needed to grow. So here, I bloom.
It was around this time last year that I learned I was pregnant and miscarried a month later. I’ve reflected on the hindsight of blessings in disguise since then. While motherhood may not come as easily to me as it may seem for others, I grasp tightly to and trust in God’s perfect will- no matter my age and no matter what comes my way, even when it seems that beautiful blessings are passing me by left and right- because they aren’t. I’ve found solace in my meantime as I wait patiently and celebrate those around me who are receiving what God has had in store just for them at every level this whole time. And I’m in no rush. I only want what God has for me, when God wants me to have it. I know exactly how God moves so I don’t place any limitations on how God always exceeds my every expectation in abundance- because God always works swiftly on my behalf. My life is changing in unthinkable ways, so life has been inviting me to sit with myself and God, my vision, my struggles, my flaws and missteps, my reality, my growth, my emotions and my purpose. Sober now, the way forward is clear. While I’m not here to offer any solutions, I extend to those (who willingly accept the invitation) that true freedom doesn’t come from leaving pain or people behind, rather from releasing the weight of hardness, embracing the refinement of grace, and trusting that every person, place, thing, or thought that we let go of makes space for what’s meant to flow into and out of our lives. Therefore softness, a soft life, is a choice.
I write this from a soft space, never hardened nor bitter, not too sweet because life is so real. Shedding outdated versions of myself. Shedding relationships, paradigms, ways of thinking, feeling, doing, believing, and being. Shedding old fears and doubts, shedding imposter syndrome once and for all. I’m supposed to be here and am exactly where I’m supposed to be. Shedding the illusion that my worth and value is tied to what I do or how much I give, nor does it depend on my tolerance and capacity for uncertainty, hardship or bullshit in any way, shape, or form. I let things die to allow for new growth and the breaking of generational cycles and toxicity, the resounding but quiet convictions and revelations, hard truths, deep lessons, peaceful loss, hope, and reckoning to ensue. Past financial challenges have come to an end, blockages and barriers have been removed, all walls and guards are down now. I’ve settled into the unexplained, severed ties of core friendships and estranged relationships that I leave behind me with grace, those I held deeply and dearly, and will always have love for. And while there will always be the side to every story whose chapters have ended that I won’t ever get to tell, all is well in my heart, mind and spirit. I understand on a spiritual level that everybody can’t go with you, that you can be a villain in someone’s eyes even if you haven’t done anything wrong, and that closure isn’t always something that’s necessary. Often, closure isn’t what others have the capacity or emotional bandwidth to give you, nor is it deserved, and you never have to take that personally. We can value someone enough to expect honesty, strength, and effort toward sustaining a connection from them just as we offer it while also befriending the reality that the actions of others reflect their limitations, preferences, and/or boundaries, never your worth. And that we can always choose to keep moving forward. It’s all about perspective, anyway.
And so, from my perspective, choices and profound victories- both seen and unseen have prevailed, redefining love for myself and my legacy, navigating love’s complexities and the delicate dance of and attempts at becoming one through the highs and lows that came with the start and end of my brief engagement in less than a year’s time. Healing wounds that have plagued those who have come before me for decades once and for all, so that my future children and their future children always operate from a God-centered place of more than enough. There is deep work in preparing for, committing to, and rising above challenges and in recognizing that old keys won’t unlock new doors and that growing apart or in different directions does not make anyone a bad person. And in actively and lovingly understanding what a God-ordained, covenanted marriage truly means. And to leave people better off than how you first met them. Lessons have been learned, mission accomplished, the cycle is complete. I now seek and await God’s go-ahead, God’s it was so. When you understand that God is never late, the wait is different. So, it is and so it will be.
“some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”
Through life’s crash(out) courses in vulnerability and authenticity, I know now that NEITHER are about oversharing, virality, nor exposure- they’re about depth. Vulnerability is an act of surrender- trusting that your truth, no matter how raw or unpolished, is enough. Because the truth will always set you free. Authenticity is a reminder that your importance is not contingent upon how many followers, views or likes you receive nor how much of your life you disclose or curate, or how palatable your struggles or how exclusive your lifestyle seems or how much influence you have, or how cutthroat or cute you are, the car you drive, the things you have that you gatekeep and glorify when others have not. Instead, it’s found in your decision to be present, to share what’s meaningful, and to protect what’s still tender in your spirit. It’s showing up as your whole, true self, even with the world’s persuasion to document, fragment, compartmentalize, highlight, story, stream, carousel, reel, or filter who you are and post our every move to show we have motion- when we can just be still. None of us are perfect and we are free to take our masks off.
I will always choose impact over influence and to offer what’s real to those who have earned and respect the privilege to hold it, those who have earned the privilege to SEE ME in the countless, captivating ways that I see myself through God’s lens, not the ego of my own.
I’m mindful of the words I speak into and over my life, so I never say that I struggle or suffer with anything. I simply let each experience teach me more about myself each day. I greet this day with impenetrable peace and unshakable faith in knowing that every happening is an amalgamation of all the lessons, reverence for the journey, and trust in God’s timing- a divine allure, initiation and process that continuously prepares and positions me for what’s to come. I let GO and let GOD cook, and do this new, extra special thing in me and in my life, trusting the stillness and movement when God says so, the moments of life, knowing that every experience- no matter how hard or beautiful- has been a sacred part of my unfolding. I am uniquely blessed and favored by God in ways that may be difficult to comprehend.
No need to be sad nor sorry for me at all because there’s no more crying here. Celebrate with me instead because I am on the other, upside- whole and healed, overflowing with and surrounded by the love, joy, support, and peace of the most amazing and authentic humans in my life- I have the BEST circle imaginable. Looking forward only to a future and fulfillment of a purpose so bright, abundant, so intentional- one that only God could orchestrate. God has been the guiding light and focus of all my attention, holding my hand, guarding my heart, covering and protecting me always and forever more. God is still super sweet and so faithful even when I don’t get what I want because every end and every need is met. It’s become so easy to remain heart and mind wide open to all that awaits as I walk softly and intentionally through 2025, only taking up space and welcoming souls into my life who walk the same- those of us who are taking it all in, taking a seat at the table with so much to give, growing with me on purpose, in purpose. In with the new- indeed, I deserve it all.
With SO MUCH LOVE,
😊 —Brit