year of "no"

I turned 28 on the 28th day of my birth month this year, what's known as your "golden year."  A dear sisterfriend of mine, in perfectly connected spirits' fashion, mailed me Shonda Rhimes' book "Year of Yes" as a gift. She knew exactly what was going on in my life: I was quitting my job, feeling some type of way about certain people in my life, and wanting to write, to name a few.  The timing was right.  In our phone conversation, I thanked her for the book and told her how ironic this was because so far, I felt this year has been the complete opposite for me, year of "no."

I ended 2015 by sitting down, talking to, and saying no to a conflicting situation that was both hurting me deeply and making me happy.  I'm grateful that I did.  I brought in 2016 by saying no to my initial decision of staying in on New Years' Eve because I was new to Dallas and didn't "know" anyone well enough to go out with here.  I'm glad that I ended up glamming up, going out, and partying with strangers.  What a memorable night.  I embraced the winter season by saying yes to many outings with some AMAZING men, but saying no (whether inwardly or outwardly) to second dates or the potential for something more because that something that only me and God knows, wasn't there. And I don't settle.  I welcomed the spring season by saying no to following up on whether or not the man who robbed me at gun point had been arrested or identifying him in a line up.  Judgement is not my territory.  Forgiveness is.  I started the summer saying no to a job that left me stressed, suppressed, and stagnant. Relief and freedom became very real to me in that moment.

In addition to the above, I've also said no to paying $15 at the mall for the exact phone case that I ended up buying off of Amazon for $5, no to responding to text messages without saying hello, asking how you are doing, or greeting the person that I was texting first before holding a conversation, no to not writing, no to procrastinating, no to Sprinkles' vegan red velvet cupcakes (at times), no to continuing a workout when I started to feel sick, no to not listening to my intuition and inner convictions, no to spending $20 on one take out meal that could buy me 4-5 meals worth of groceries, no to feeling like I always have to say "yes", no to being too busy to keep in touch with loved ones, no to excuses, no to meat for my 5th consecutive year, no to not speaking at my Nana's 75th birthday party or Stockard Middle School's career day all because of my fear of public speaking, the list goes on. This, undoubtedly, has been a year of "no."

I do know and value "yes."  Yes grants us the permission to do what we've not yet done before.  Yes comforts.  Yes allows us to walk through open doors of opportunity.  Yes accepts what is presented to us.  Yes dusts off and brings to the surface what's been buried deep inside. Yes establishes a foundation for preparation.  Before arriving to a space of undeniable "yes's", we have to conquer the "no's."  Find the power in "no." 

No is universal. No has closed doors that were once open.  No has created and maintained boundaries.  No has given me a voice in situations that I have remained silent in.  No has made me choose and realize that I have a choice.  No has humbled me.  No has made me ask questions.  No has severed ties with what has died, planted seeds, grown new roots, and given birth to new possibilities.  No has made me uncomfortable. No has held me responsible and accountable.  No has taught me discipline and focus.  No has challenged me and made me challenge others.  No has reminded me of my worth.  No has strengthened me.  No has softened me.  No has awakened me.  No has proven to be golden, and most important- to me- no has provided peace. 

Try "no."